The Completely True Story of How I Became a Girl
by annablink
Summary: Eli Hedervary was the toughest boy in his grade, known as the neighborhood bully. Imagine his surprise when one particular lesson in Health Class makes him reconsider his life... With the help of a certain band geek, of course.


**Oh, dear... Look what I have here! A brand-spanking-new fanfiction, just for all of you!**_  
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**So, this one is special, because it's going to be a collab between myself and FluffshipIsMagic. I'm quite excited! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. But don't worry... I'm working on it. ;)**

_Dear Diary,_

_First, I want to get one thing straight: I am only doing this because the pansy boy down the street is forcing me to. He says it will somehow make me "more feminine" to write about my feelings. Yuck. Why do I care what Roderich Edelstein thinks, you ask? Well, I suppose it's kind of a long story. All this insanity began about two weeks ago…_

My name is Elizaveta Hedervary, but up until about a week ago, everyone called me Eli. Not because it was a cute nickname, mind you. I was easily the toughest kid in the neighborhood, so almost everybody was too afraid of be to come up with pet names for me. In reality, no one but my best friend, Gilbert, even knew my real name.

I know what you're probably thinking: why on Earth would a thirteen-year-old girl want to be called Eli instead of Elizaveta? The thing is, I had no idea that I was even a girl.

Back then, I had simply thought that my parents had just named me something stupid, like when a guy has the middle name of Leslie or something like that. I had grown up with my father, who I guess never thought it was something I needed to know. He wasn't really the type for crushing a child's dreams, or for having any time consuming, dramatic conversations whatsoever. So, when I was little and asked him when my penis was coming in, he just told me that I needed to wait and that it would come eventually.

And I believed him. Even when I was thirteen years old and it still hadn't grown in yet, I kept hope.

That is, until one fateful day in Health Class.

* * *

"I can't believe that the awesome me has to take a dumb health class. I already know plenty about being healthy!" Gilbert groaned in his seat next to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, it's not that bad. At least I'm in here with you. Besides, we've been in this class for almost a month. Would you please stop making the same complaint every single day?" I glanced over to my friend, who was studying the worksheet that we'd been given to fill out on the video for the day. As his eyes scrolled down the paper, his eyebrows slowly made their way to the top of his forehead.

"Oh, Eli… I think we'll both like this lesson. If anyone needs to see this, it's you…" He chuckled to himself. I sighed. He was probably just being his obnoxious self. The only reason I hung out with him was because he didn't go away even when I beat him up, so eventually I just stopped trying.

I looked down at my own paper. The heading read "Sexual Education," with several diagrams underneath. I glanced inquisitively at Gilbert. I really had no idea what he was so excited about. However, knowing Gilbert, I probably didn't want to know in the first place.

I sighed and turned my attention to the video, explaining basic human anatomy. Oddly enough, the curriculum still hadn't reached the bit about growing sexual organs. Hopefully we could finally get to that part, judging from the title of the lesson.

Much to my disappointment, all the video covered was the conception of children. Then, the teacher turned the video off and told us that the class would be separated into boys and girls, and would then on be able to ask whatever questions they had about the way sexual reproduction worked.

_Finally!_ I thought to myself. I got up out of my seat to join the other boys, lining up behind Gilbert. He turned around, saw me, and sighed dramatically.

"I was afraid this would happen… Eli, you have to stay here. Okay?" he whispered.

"What do you mean, 'stay here'? This is the girls' room! Are you crazy?" I hissed at him.

He took me by the shoulders. "Listen, I know this sounds weird, but it'll all make sense in a minute, I promise. Just go back to your seat."

I hesitated. Huffing, I turned back around. "Fine. But I'm blaming you when I get in trouble for this."

* * *

And thus began the most disturbing fourteen minutes of my life.

Not only did they not kick me out, but I finally found out what it is that happens to girls. They didn't just tell me what happened; they told me exactly _how_ it happened. But the scariest part was that all of it was happening to me.

As the other girls went on about their experiences, I sat in the back and wondered; had my father lied to me?

* * *

After school, I ran up to Gilbert with a million questions. _Did you know I was a girl? How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't _anyone_ tell me?_

Instead, I punched him in the face.

But I think I got my message across.

Gilbert stood up, rubbing his cheek. By now he was used to me smacking him around a little bit, so he seemed mostly unharmed. "And the penny drops. I guess you figured it out, finally, huh?"

"Yes, of course I figured it out, dumkopf! How could I not? Did you know about this the whole time?" As I continued talking to him, my voice got progressively louder until I finally stopped to breathe.

"Yes- Well, uh… I suppose I kinda knew that you were a girl for a while, but the first time I really found out was this one time I accidentally groped your chest in the third grade…"

In punishment, I hit his face with my fist once again, and then resumed screaming at him. "Why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?"

Gilbert didn't answer. I slowly sank to my knees, eventually landing on the cold sidewalk. "I mean, what am I supposed to do about this? I don't know how to be a girl…"

Beside me, I was vaguely aware of someone walking past me, carrying a giant black thing. In curiosity, I turned my head just in time to see Roderich Edelstein, who was scurrying past me in fear while attempting to still carry his keyboard along with him down the street.

He was the biggest nerd in the school, and got called gay at least twice per week. Sometimes, I was the one to pick on him. He was easy to pick on and many other people did as well. Still, the poor kid kept his head held high, and still didn't even mind the fact that the majority of times that someone would beat him up, he would need his best friend Vash to come pick up the pieces. In fact, any other day I would just go take out my frustrations on him, but for whatever reason I didn't really want to.

I heard Gilbert snicker next to me. "Hey, maybe he could give you girl lessons, eh? Kesesesese…." He burst into a fit of giggles over his oh-so-clever joke.

_Maybe that's exactly what I need_, I thought to myself. _But I don't want to have to approach other girls about this… _

Before I really knew what I was doing, I chased after Roderich down the street. Gilbert, suddenly aware of his surroundings, called after me.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going, Eli?"

I ignored him, and instead called out to the boy now only about twenty feet away from me, "Hey, kid! Wait up!"

He glanced behind him, and responded by picking up his pace. I suppressed a growl and sprinted after him. Luckily, I was much faster than he was and I wasn't carrying a piano. When I finally caught up to him, I grabbed his hand to try and get him to stop, but he decided that this moment would be a good moment to trip over a crack in the sidewalk, which resulted in both of us toppling over and me landing on top of him.

The poor guy looked absolutely terrified. Granted, I wasn't exactly comfortable either. In an effort to diffuse the situation, I smiled down at him. Unfortunately, this only made the situation more awkward. I pretended not to notice his cheeks turning red from embarrassment.

"Ah… c-could you kindly get off of me?" He looked away while saying this, as if bracing himself for a punch.

"In a minute…" I answered. "Roddy…" He turned his head back, reestablishing eye contact with me.

"…I need your help."

**So, I hope that wasn't too confusing. Hopefully it will get better than this as it goes on. =.=' **

**Happy New Year, everyone!**


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